Change #4
"I must relax right now." to "It's
OK to be anxious here."
Continuing our theme, once you choose to
face your symptoms, then what do you do? You will see a lot of
relaxation skills in this self-help guide. These are important skills.
But equal to them is your willingness to stay anxious. (You are simply
not going to escape this paradox: calm down, and let yourself
stay anxious.) When anxiety hits, your instincts tell you to
get rid of it. It's the American way: "Don't just stand there, do
something!" The more powerful intervention is, "Don't
just do something, stand there."
Although you will train yourself to
respond to anxiety using coping skills that include calming your
breath and quieting your thoughts, do not make relaxation a
demand. When you require yourself to relax, you add another
demand to an already stressful situation. That will only add to your
stress.
Instead, take the more permissive
attitude of, "It's OK that I'm anxious right now." Accepting
your anxiety in the moment when it occurs will reduce the
anxiety. It takes away the internal demand and helps you
build your tolerance.
Your accepting inner voice may
go something like this: "It is really no surprise I am anxious
right now. This is my first flight since I got scared during the trip
to Orlando. I don't like to feel trapped and out of control. This is
harder than driving because I can pull off the highway when I need to.
I can't get off this plane whenever I want. So I'm going to practice
all the skills I've brought on board with me. If I'm still anxious,
that's OK. I can handle those feelings, and as I do, I won't be so
worried on the next flight."
So, shop in that mall, give that speech,
go to that dinner, or climb that ladder . . . and use all your many
skills to help you stay cooled out. Just add to those skills the
important attitude of "It's OK to be anxious here."
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