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Change #5
"I must stay on guard." to "I won't guard myself
against anxiety."
Panic leads people to become vigilant. A
panic attack hits suddenly, catches you by surprise and causes you
pain. Our bodies and minds have trained over hundreds of thousands of
years to guard against pain. A toddler doesn't have to burn himself on
a stove too many times before his built-in instinct trains him to
watch out for stovetops. In that same way, when you've been
"burned" several times by panic, your mind searches
rapidly for danger signals any time you approach a
panic-provoking situation. You are watching, listening, feeling with
great attention, on guard in case something "goes wrong" in
your body or your surroundings. Unfortunately, all this vigilance only
contributes to your distress. You are tensing yourself up in
anticipation of a problem. This is the definition of anticipatory
anxiety.
What about when a panic attack begins?
Think about what you say to yourself. Even during panic, almost
all your communications are anticipatory in nature: "I'm really
feeling bad right now. What if this gets worse?"
"I'm lightheaded and dizzy. What if I faint
in a moment?" "My face feels flushed. What if
people start seeing this?" On and on it goes. "I
can't let myself get any worse." "I
can't let the symptoms increase."
This natural, instinctual response to
threat works against you. When you stay on guard as you approach
events, you increase your tension and become more
vulnerable to a panic attack. When you warn yourself to stay on guard
in the midst of panic, you secrete even greater amounts of adrenaline
into your bloodstream, causing more intense symptoms.
You can't remain anxiously on guard and simultaneously learn to
control panic.
Daniel Goleman once said, "A
person prevails over anxiety by sacrificing attention."
To come out on top you must let down your guard. You must not pay such
close attention to what might happen next. You must clear your head of
its constant and frantic analysis.
Now if you do this -- if you stop being
so vigilant -- you run the risk that something might slip past your
conscious attention. Some little twinge in your body might go
unnoticed. You might not see that four cars are waiting in line ahead
of you in the left turn lane at the stop light. So, as usual, here is
an intervention into your problem that can at first make you more
anxious, not less. When in the past you have kept your guard
up as a way to stay in control, I am suggesting that you now let down
your guard. So, you may feel that you are not protecting yourself. If
you feel vulnerable, you'll probably feel a little anxious in
response. (This is another reason to become a student of attitude #4, "It's
OK to be anxious here.")
There are two further
considerations here. The first (no surprise) is a
paradoxical one: when you are considering the possibility of
confronting an anxiety-provoking situation, it is fine to plan out how
you will take care of yourself. In Step
7 I will walk you through such preparations. But make those plans
with the expectation that you may become a bit anxious, and not
with the fearful dread that panic might strike. Include in those plans
your decision to accept any anxiety as it arises, without holding
yourself in a death grip waiting for its arrival. The paradox to play
with is plan, and don't stay on guard.
Second, let's consider
where you can place your attention when you pull it away from
your anxious anticipation. If you will reflect for a moment, I think
you can appreciate just how much time and attention you devote to
dreaded anticipation. There are so many valuable things to be doing
with your attention. The world outside you offers beautiful, warm,
sunny days in the summer and the soft glow of fires in the winter, the
embraces and laughter shared with those who love you, the challenges
of solving problems at work and home, the stimulating interest of
conversation, music, study. When you are anxious, turn your attention outside
yourself. Become connected to life, and allow that rich healing
contact to influence your feelings. Stop trying to figure yourself
out! Be anxious and simultaneously become interested in
your surroundings.
There is a second choice for your
attention when you stop focusing on what terrible things might happen
in the future. Pay loving, caring attention to yourself in this
moment. By asking, "What do I need right now to
handle these feelings?," you will contribute to
your self-control far more than by asking, "What will I do if
that (terrible thing) happens next?" Start supporting yourself
based on what you need at this moment, instead of becoming anxious
about what will happen thirty seconds from now. The upcoming Steps
will suggest what actions to take. Apply those skills with the
attitude of, "I don't need to stay on guard against panic."
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